Monday, October 5th 2015

Augusta’s Choice acquires Morris Communications!

In a surprise move after winning last Friday’s Mega Millions, Owner and operator Kenny Adams of Augusta’s Choice used his new found wealth to purchase Morris Communications and it’s subsidiaries, effective immediately.

So what does this mean for the localized branches of Morris? The main concern of citizens of the CSRA is what will happen to the beloved Chronicle? Never fear as Kenny has some plans up his sleeves. First, the famed Chronicle Building will become open to the public to walk through and see how business is conducted. Adding to the newfound transparency, the second floor will be turned into a deathmatch arena where current employees will fight to the *near* death for management positions. All those that do not survive will be replaced with Alpaca’s from a local Alpaca farm.

Secondly, for the entire month of April, each issue of the Augusta’s Choice Daily (NEW NAME NEW NAME) will be printed on out of circulation US Currency to show that our economy is BOOMING!

Third, we want you to flood the Chronicle office with requests for a chance to play DURING the Masters as we have inked a deal with The National granting 4 “indie golf” spots during the tournament. The final 10 will get their chance in the second floor Augusta Arena for the top 4 spots!

Lastly, Kenny has also become Mayor overnight and with a portion of his winnings, invested in Apple Computer, quadrupling his wealth. What does this mean? Mayor Adams has not only taken over Augusta, but he has also purchased the rights to lay claim to the new roll of King of the South East.

Special note from His Majesty Kenny:

Thank you so much loyal CSRASubjects. In honor of your faithfulness to the throne, I will grant all of you the week of The Masters off! If your boss defies my ruling, they will fight in the Copenhaver Arena (Located on the second floor of AC Tower (it would be Towers but we’re working on the second building plans now). If you would like to pledge your allegiance and sign up for the NEW AC Army, Click Here! Be sure to click Like or Tweet this article for your chance to win a lifetime supply of Oreo Flavored Doritos*! I know they don’t exist right now, but I have Research and Development working on it!

Your Majesticness,

Sir Awesome Kenny Adams, King Extraordinaire

*I’m checking with my law team to see if we can actually do this. Probably not but hey, I shoot from the hip! But still, please, share this! Also, this article may or may not be factual. We’re checking with our attorney’s on that one as well.

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One Comment on “Augusta’s Choice acquires Morris Communications!”

  1. Too Funny! To bad you didn’t win!

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